Collie Ollie

Now that the older boys keep me so busy it is hard to remember what there is to write about an infant, although I know there is so much.  I get so caught up in the chaos that is Patrick and Tristan that sometimes we spin out of control around Colin.  And although this chaos surrounds him and he is a part of the confusion, my focus sometimes becomes lost.  My mother in law always told me the story of her third child, Christina.  She would tell how when Dad would come home from work, the baby, would be in the same back room in the same bassinette as when he left for work that morning.  She said he would say, Eileen did the baby come out of the room today?  When I was a younger, newer mother I thought how could that ever be?  And now, there Colin sits in the pack n play in the middle of the kitchen, and he is so wonderful.  He sits there and plays with his toys, watches the boys and if he falls on his back, doesn't fuss, just lays back and stares at the chaos swirling around.  I'll be entrenched in homework, baths, fights, changing batteries, answering phone calls, cooking dinner, kissing boo boos, I'll hear the rumblings in the pack and play and take notice of this perfect little boy, playing and watching us and I ache for that intimacy I had with my first born, and fear that my memories of Colin will be a blur as the days go by so fast.  But there is a different joy with him , and perhaps this joy is more just about him and not quite so much about me.